tell your sister to shave her snatch
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
