When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
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