Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
