If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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