Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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