you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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