All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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