i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Let's get the cat blown out
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
