apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
