he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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