It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
