I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
