i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
