i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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