So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
