he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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