I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
