remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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