why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
