he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize