Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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