Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw a hot homeless man
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
