i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
