The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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