Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
