Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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