No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
