Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
