Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
