I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
