3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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