Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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