I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
