At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
