Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
