Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
