Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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