i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
