if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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