i need an iv and a liver transplant
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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