If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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