I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
