I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize