So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
