why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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