This is not my ceiling
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
