He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
