I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
