Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
