HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
