Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
