Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
