God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
