"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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