Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
