You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
