also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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