Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
