I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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