Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize