you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
