see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
