Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
