I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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