I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
