bring money and cleavage
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
