he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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