Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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