ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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