That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
