I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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