So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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