Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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