Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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